


I Thought the Only Lonely Place Was On the Moon

by Mithen



Category: DCU Animated
Genre: Betting Pool, Ensemble Cast, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:46:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mithen/pseuds/Mithen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The League is playing with fire when it sets up a betting pool based on Superman and Batman's love life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Thought the Only Lonely Place Was On the Moon

"Well, Huntress went with February 14 of next year, but I think that's too obvious. And Steel chose December 12 of this year, but that's too soon," Wally West explained sagely to a group of superheroes in the Watchtower break room. "On the other hand, Aquaman is down for April 26 2033, which seems a _little_ pessimistic."

"Hm," said John Stewart, looking at the schedule. "It would be kind of a dick move to pick the day right after yours, wouldn't it."

"Of course it would!"

John grinned and jotted something down on the schedule.

"Aw, that's just _low_ ," complained Wally.

"Is this a betting pool?" Everyone froze as Superman leaned over Flash's shoulder to peer at the book of dates. "I'm not sure that's appropriate League behavior," he frowned.

"Aw, c'mon, Big Blue," Plastic Man piped up, since everyone else seemed speechless with horror, "It's strictly penny-ante stuff--the pot's not even a hundred dollars yet--and we're not betting not on anything _serious_."

"Well, what _are_ you betting on, then?" asked Superman.

Anyone else might have hesitated or stammered, but Eel O'Brian was ready. "We're laying bets on when Paul McCartney will do a gig in Gotham again."

Superman's eyes lit up. "He hasn't played in Gotham since he was there with the Beatles in '67, he swore the place was a hole and he'd never play there again. That's a really interesting pool, and Paul McCartney is my favorite Beatle..." ("Of course," muttered Wally) "...Wow, you guys are guessing really soon--except for Aquaman," he said, eyeing the book.

"When someone's date passes, they're allowed to pay again and re-enter," said Plastic Man.

"Well, what the heck--sign me up for April 22," said Superman, grabbing the pen and scrawling his name in the book. He handed Wally the money and grabbed two cups of coffee. "Well, gotta get back to work--Batman's waiting for his coffee and we wouldn't him to get even _more_ cranky, you know?"

The door closed behind him and everyone glared at Plastic Man. "What?" he said weakly. "I couldn't exactly tell him the truth now, could I?"

**: : :**

_Months Later_

"Has everyone been acting a little strange lately?" said Superman.

"More than usual?" Batman was tinkering with a holographic training dummy that was on the fritz; around them various members of the League were shooting the functional holographs or sparring with each other. The sound of blows and explosions made an unusual backdrop to the conversation.

"Well, yeah, I guess. Like last month, how you and I were going to go undercover offplanet together, and Zauriel intervened and said that he'd had a vision from God that you shouldn't go on the trip, and he should take your place? Didn't that seem weird to you?"

"No weirder than having someone who claims to be an angel on the team to begin with," Batman said, glaring at a misfiring circuit.

"Or how Huntress kept asking if I was going to give a 'special someone' a Valentine. I wondered if she meant herself and was flirting, but after Valentine's Day she just dropped it completely. Not that she was very friendly about it, she seemed more angry than anything."

"That's kind of her default," Batman noted.

"It's just odd," Superman said, crossing his arms and watching people practicing. "Do you think Starro is messing with us or something?"

"I don't think Starro would be so subtle." Batman tapped the dummy on the head, and it cycled through the forms of Darkseid, Pied Piper, Cheetah, and Scarecrow in rapid succession. "There we go." He stood up, dusting off his hands. "By the way, " he said to Superman without any change in tone, "Would you like to get together tonight, if you're not too busy? Dinner and a show?"

Superman raised his eyebrows for an instant, then cast his eyes upward as if checking his schedule in his mind. "I've got to open the Special Olympics in an hour, but I'll be done by four."

"The show doesn't start until nine, so that should be fine--barring emergencies, of course."

"Of course," said Superman, smiling at him with the air of a person who'd had emergencies interrupt his schedule often. "How formal a dinner are we talking?" he asked, not noticing that all over the training room people were falling silent and listening to the conversation intently.

"Oh, nothing black tie," Batman said. "I was thinking that Thai place in Old Gotham, the one with a good view of the river?"

"I haven't had Thai in ages," said Superman. "Sounds great."

"I'll meet you there at six-thirty, then?"

"Sure thing," Superman was saying, when Plastic Man tapped him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to be nosy," Plastic Man said, pulling his nose back in from the foot long it had been before, "But--may I ask if this dinner and a show is a... _date_?"

All the heroes in the room looked at Superman and Batman.

"Well," said Batman, "It is if Superman wants it to be."

Superman blinked at him. "I was hoping it was," he said. "So if it's dependent on me, then..." He grinned at Plastic Man. "Apparently it is."

Plastic Man picked his jaw up from the floor, then turned and stared at Flash. Flash shrugged, disappeared in a blur of speed, and reappeared with a book in his hands. He flipped through the pages and stopped, his shoulders slumping. A ripple of consternation began spreading from the knot of heroes. "Do we tell him?" someone whispered.

"But if we do, he'll know--"

The second voice cut off as Superman said, "Hey, that's the betting pool book! That's right, today's my day, isn't it? Guess I'll have to re-enter." He leaned over to Batman. "They're betting on the weirdest thing--"

"Pay the man," said Batman, turning to Wally. As Wally stared at Batman in horror, Batman reached into his utility belt and pulled out two tickets. "To the show," he said, handing them to Superman.

Superman looked at them and broke out into a huge smile. "Wow," he exclaimed, "Paul McCartney is playing in Gotham _tonight?_ Why didn't I know about this? How did you find out about this?" he asked a dumbfounded Wally.

"Uh--It's--it's--"

"--It's a special concert, one of those secret shows that isn't announced to the public. Once in a lifetime chance," said Batman. "Small, intimate venue. Tickets were almost impossible to get, even for me. Then again, doing the impossible is my speciality."

Superman took the thick stack of bills Wally sheepishly handed him. "I'll just give this to the Special Olympics, since I'm on the way there," he said. "And I'll meet you at six-thirty," he added to Batman, who seemed to be smirking for some reason. "Wow," he sighed as he left the room. "A date with Batman, tickets to a Paul McCartney concert, _and_ I win the betting pool? This must be my lucky day."

**: : :**

_"Did he know?_ " hissed Plastic Man when the door closed behind Batman, all of his limbs trembling in trepidation.

"Have you been punched in the face in the last ten minutes?" asked Martian Manhunter.

"N...No," Plastic Man said, tentatively stretching his face.

"Then I would assume he didn't know."

Plastic Man looked dubious about this. "It never seems safe to assume that Batman doesn't know something," he moaned. "I'm going to go home and find my bed full of guano, I just know it."

Wally clapped him on the back. "Well, I think we all learned a valuable lesson today," he said as the rest of the disgruntled heroes started to return to their sparring and conversations..

"We did?"

"Well, I didn't. But I'm sure someone here did, right?" Wally threw his arms wide, appealing to the room. "Right?"

Martian Manhunter stepped forward, his face grave. "I believe we have learned that Batman can do impossible, nearly inconceivable things. We have learned that we should quit while we are ahead. And we have learned that we may have placed bets on Batman's love life and escaped unscathed to tell the tale, which would make this a lucky day not just for Superman but for all of us, really."

"Well, baby I'm amazed," announced Plastic Man, and left the room whistling to himself.

Jet, I can almost remember their funny faces  
That time you told them that you were going to be marrying soon  
And Jet, I thought the only lonely place was on the moon...  
\--Paul McCartney, "Jet" 


End file.
